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..Bad day at work??.....

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Tweetster, Sep 3, 2010.

  1. Apparently a true story letter to his sister!.........

    Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a
    bad day at the office.

    I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would
    share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

    Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
    few technicalities of my job.

    As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to
    the office.

    It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool.

    So what we do to keep warm is this:

    We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of
    equipment sucks the water out of the sea, heats it to a delightful
    temperature, then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which
    is taped to the air hose.

    Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times
    with no complaints.

    What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose
    and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with
    warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well
    until all of a sudden, my bum started to itch.

    So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.

    Within a few seconds my bum started to burn!

    I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.

    In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked
    up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

    Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't
    stick to it.

    However, the crack of my bum was not as fortunate.

    When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
    jellyfish into the crack of my bum.

    I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.

    His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five
    other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

    Needless to say I aborted the dive.

    I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops
    totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin
    my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was
    wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

    As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running
    down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my bum
    as soon as I got in the chamber.

    The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poo for two days because my
    bum was swollen shut.

    So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
    worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ar*e.

    (apologies if posted previously, I did search!)

    .. and can you REALLY scratch your bum if you are in a diving suit??
  2. Can't... think... of any.... lame... puns!!!

    Cool story though.
  3. :squid::smileysex:
  4. depends how thick the suit is. some of them get up around 7mm, so yes it would be quite hard to scratch but could be done depending on the condition of the rubber.
  5. Swollen ass would also stretch it out thinner hahaha
  6. ..I guess it's a bit different to having ants in your pants!!... :-s

    ..a tentacle up the clacker!!.... (Ouch!!)
  7. When you put it that way, it kind of sounds like the theme of some of that Japanese Manga p0rn >.>
  8. ....oooooooh!!... maybe start a new craze!!... :rofl: (it's much more "now" than gerbils!!)
  9. ooo kinky :rofl:
  10. What do you mean new? Tentacle p0rn is pretty common
  11. Bullshit. No need to decompress after a dive if you've spent some time at the correct levels. re oxygen.

    funny butt! (pun intended)