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Backyard Cricket Rules - And maybe a [MELB] event??

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by Milos, Nov 23, 2005.

  1. This brings past memories which got me thinking. I haven't played cricket in years and wouldn't mind a game again. Would anyone be interested in orgnasing a Netrider Cricket Match? If we can get around 20 or so people, find a ground and the equipment with enough eskies to hold a few flabs of beer it could be a fun day!


    - STANDARD RULES -

    Can't Get Out First Ball : Curious rule introduced to give the token unco
    bastard a reprieve. Smart-arse batsmen use it to hone their reverse sweep -
    which becomes interesting when smart-arse bowlers use it to hone their
    beamer.

    Caught Behind : Since no-one has the desire or the reflexes to stand in the
    slips cordon, an edge onto the back fence constitutes instant dismissal. Has
    signalled the death of the late cut.

    One Hand, One Bounce : This popular innovation (When a fielder can dismiss a
    batsman by catching the ball in one hand on the first bounce) is essential
    to the very fabric of the sport. Importantly, it means a game can be
    organised with a minimum of players. More importantly, it means you don't
    have to put your beer down.

    No LBW : When no umpires are available (or trustworthy), the only option is
    to can the LBW rule altogether, ensuring cagey batsmen shuffle across the
    crease as is test driving a Zimmer frame.

    Six And Out (Then Fetch It) : Introduced to combat space and energy
    restrictions. It's rumoured to have been initiated by a hapless bowler
    living alongside a pack of Rottweilers.

    - ESSENTIAL ITEMS -

    Esky : Strategically placed at the bowler's end, the esky is the shrine, the
    fuel, the Richie Benaud of backyard cricket - because it holds the beer.

    Balls : A minimum of 3 tennis balls is advised, as there's always some
    pissed smart-arse who delights in tonking them over the fence. Advanced
    exponents use electrical tape around half the ball to give it more swing
    than Austin Powers.

    Dog : Preferable of Kelpie or Heeler extraction, so it can field every ball,
    including those that dissapear under the house or thorny bushes. The
    downside is that they produce more slobber than a 14 year old male Penthouse
    reader. The upside is the dog will sleep for 3 days straight afterwards.

    Rubbish Bin : It would be nice to think you can clean up your own mess, but
    in reality the bin makes a perfect set of stumps.

    Bat : Boasting multiple scratches and dents, and no grip left on the handle,
    it's usually of 1980's vintage, with a fake signature of Allan Border or
    Merv Hughes providing added backyard cult status.

    - CODE OF ETHICS -

    Stumps : The game draws to a close when, a) your pissed host finally cooks
    the snags after the barbie has run out of gas, b) Macca hits the last ball
    onto the road and it dissapears down the drain, or c) your girlfriend cracks
    the shits and wants to go home because you "become a bastard" when you hang
    around with your mates.

    Flower Damage : Any respectful male will cringe and help hide the fact that
    you have just topped your girlfriend's petunias. Somehow, the universal
    threat of a week-long drought bonds the male species.



    Spilt Beer : Ideally, the offending batsman should apologise profusely and
    offer to replace the vanquished stubbie. Fat Chance. The feat prompts
    shitloads of laughter, and the usually triumphant "Get me one while you're
    at it!"

    No Running Bewteen Wickets : Every backyard cricket specialist should know
    this phrase, "The words fun and run don't go together." Just ask Arjuna
    Ranatunga. Besides, how the fcuk are you supposed to run in thongs?

    Courtesy Call : Always invite the chicks to have a bat. They usually say no,
    but on the odd occasion, they do take a grip of the willow. You can bowl a
    couple of dollies to her so she can hit before ending this freakish sideshow
    with a yorker. Most chicks hold a bat as if they're chopping wood. And they
    can't handle yorkers.
     
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  2. I preferred tipitty myself. That way it stopped the smart arses who just hit the ball along the ground.
     
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  3. We always had tippy-go (if you hit the ball you must run) and nominated bushes/shrubs as fielders. Hit it into the bush/shrub on the full and your out. Oh yeah we also had certain things like netball poles, washing lines etc that were extra runs (like the ING signs.....but no money)
     
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  4. oh yeah i would be in for a goldfield ashes type of cricket game...... it's only for the serious drinkers though, any that whats a serious cricket game better go and join a club......
     
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  5. No LBW must always be counter balanced by a tippity run rule. Conversley, tippity can only be called under the understanding that LBW has been withdrawn from the game. Everyone knows that. :D

    Also the automatic caught behind should in fairness be applied in a situation where a suitable wall or fence can be clearly marked to show the range in which a wicket keeper can move. Posts on a wooden fence are ideal. Hitting the ball over the fence immediately behind the batsmen does not constitute caught behing because the wicket keeper would clearly not reach that high (regardless of fence height). In that event however, the 6 & out rule takes precident. :D
     
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  6. Backyard cricket rocks! Count me in :)
     
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  7. I do beleive there is a Netrider BBQ happening soon....could be your window of oppurtunity.
     
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  8. hey guys wodering if anyone can help me? i have a RVF 400 and it been in the garage for last 5 weeks ( very not happy) it have a problem with the rev . On nuetrel the reving it normal but in gear , after 7000rpm it just won't go up like is suppose to . please help
     
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  9. Sell it :D its a spewzuki or go ask for help in the correct forum

    Cheers 8)
     
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