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Babies and motorcycles

Discussion in 'The Pub' at netrider.net.au started by 12RS, Aug 26, 2012.

  1. A couple fo questions for the 30 somethings:
    - Re babies - do you plan? Or just play it by ear?
    - Has any one been forced to give up their bikes?
    - How portable are babies? I'm just starting law and wil most likely need to work all over the country to start with and am a bit of a rolling stone anyway. I loved being brought up moving around and want any kid I have to do the same.

    This seems like a good site (re: intelligence) to ask as I think I might actually get a reasonable response.

  2. babies are a delight, and no excuse can be raised for not participating in the joys of parenthood (two myself, and now two grandsons from my daughter).
    I kept riding (but we DID have a car) but my wife gave up her bike, and, sadly now in retrospect, let her licence lapse :(. She also had to quit her job, back in the old days of the NSW Department of Education, it was babies or other people's children.
    No-one can tell how well a child will travel; I spent thousands of hours travelling all over the country in the back of the folks' car, and loved every minute of it.
    My children did likewise; I taught them all about Baroque Music, and Joan Baez and others as we travelled; these times equate to time you NEVER get when you are at home and you're all doing separate stuff.
  3. i hate the things.
  4. Babies or lawyers :demon:
  5. Can't really speak much about babies and bikes, but kids and bikes are fantastic! My experience so far is only with dirtbikes (just got my L's last week) but I'm late thirties and have mates mid-late 30s all with kids (boys and girls) between 3 and 13 and we spend a lot of time with the kids out in the bush tooling around with various bits of machinery whenever we can. They love it, and hopefully they'll keep their interest until they're old enough to move to the road later on.

    I'm hoping my boy (13 now) will want to get his road licence and we'll be able to ride together in a few years time. Of course, I might just get "bugger off dad, you're old and boring/embarrassing" but what the hell, a man can dream right? :)

  6. 1)Are you asking whether people plan to have their kids, or are you asking whether the parents here have to plan their day around their kids routines?

    2) I haven't been forced to give up my bikes. In fact I have more bikes now than I did when I wasn't a dad. The ute had to go though. Apparently the law frowns at fitting baby capsules into ute trays so I sold the ute and bought a sedan!

    3) Regarding moving and portability. Up until school age you you shouldn't have too many issues of you have to move. Keep in mind though that it can be hard to find services like daycare when you initially move, but if you plan well ahead you will be fine. Military kids do it. Once school aged though stability is good. The older they are the harder it is on them to leave friends and activities that they currently do behind.

    Of course your priorities change once you have kids too. I could be mistaken, and don't take this the wrong way, but I sense a little bit of a me,me,me attitude coming through. That will change once you realise it isnt all about you anymore. Your kid is more precious than anything and you will sacrifice stuff for their well-being.
  7. Do you actually have a partner and are seriously considering the question of children? Or is this more of a canvassing for opinions exercise?

    You plan up to point - a woman intending to get pregnant needs to make sure her iron and folate levels are good and also needs to make sure she lays off the alcohol. A man needs to avoid things that affect sperm health (particularly motility) so lay off the booze, cigarettes and illicit substances. Oh yeah, and keep your testicles cool. Then you just relax and enjoy the process ;)

    As far as moving around and kids goes - each child is different, some will thrive in that sort of environment, others will hate it. You won't know until you actually have the child and know what sort of personality it has.

    Giving up bikes - that will be a matter between you and your partner. Some women will be fine with the idea of you continuing to ride, others will say they are ok with it but after the child is born may change their mind. I would suggest full and frank discussions before the event, particularly if bikes are an important part of your life.
  8. Thanks everyone. To.answer most questions, my wife and I are considering kids and I'm Luke warm on the idea because I love bikes and still want to work somewhere other than bloody Sydney. That said, her parents are here so I think women need their mothers particularly with the first child.

    I guess ultimately I'm asking a question that we only know - do we have a kid? Also, I don't take offense to, nor deny the me, me, me, factor.

    I hear all your priorities change when you have kids but what if they dont? What if I stay a selfish prick who loves riding around Australia and the world on motorbikes?

    Just really just using 'the pub' forum for a sounding board. Thanks.
  9. Mate that's a tough one!

    For me, my wife is incredibly supportive of me and everything I do. If I want to fart about with bikes on my own, then she's happy for me to do that. We spend time together (just us), or both of us with the kid, or just me and the kid, whatever. We're just like that and it works for us.

    A mate of mine, however, has a wife who is jealous of the time he spends alone, resents his bikes and is... well, I could say a few choice words but I won't in case she's reading over his shoulder.

    The point is, if you've got a good relationship, the bikes and alone time can be part of it, together with kids and everything else. If not, you'll have to work out where your priorities are for yourself I guess.

    EDIT: Just realised, it sounds like I'm saying my missus is an angel and his isn't.. Not saying he's not responsible for the situation he's got - it goes both ways. Mine is an angel though, I don't deserve her :)
  10. Mate I'm glad you don't take offence to the me,me,me comment because its not what I was trying to do. It's just that becoming a dad, you soon have that beaten out of you and you need to know that in advance.
    Every decision I make as a parent revolves around how it will effect my kids. The stuff you think is so important now becomes secondary. Bikes are not a substitute for kids. Kids are much more work, yet so much more rewarding at the same time. It doesn't mean you won't get to get out on your bike. It just might mean less long trips away from home for weeks at a time and more day trips and overnighters instead. Which you might gave to plan a bit better than you currently do.

    Moving your wife maybe an issue, but that's one to work out regardless of whether you have kids or not, because it sounds like you want to move away from the big smoke regardless,while she has probably always lived close to her mum and probably had no idea when she married you that you would want to move her away from that environment.
    FWIW my wife and I moved up here 7 years ago from Sydney without ever having been to mackay before. In fact, the furthers north we had been prior to the move here was Noosa. Her patents are a 2 day drive from here (Tamworth). Mine are 12 hours drive (sunshine coast). We now have two girls aged 2 and 4. We have no family up here at all .Living away from family is harder, but not impossible.
  11. If you think you are going to stay a selfish prick, do the kids a favour and don't have em. Some young men make great dads others dont,my feeling is that if you have to ask a group of complete strangers for advice, you aren't ready. Good luck with it anyway.
  12. Wow 2 and 4 year olds! I reckon that's when I'd consider coming back for the free baby sitting. Thanks for the input though - greatly appreciated.
  13. Funny enough if we didn't have the kids we would have moved to the sunshine coast by now. LOL The plan was to stay 5 years. Now its to move before my eldest starts school in 2014 although that may not happen yet either!
    As it stands I work in the mining industry. Having that decent income allows my wife to stay at home with the kids while I pay all the bills and the mortgage. That's best for the kids.
    I work away from home on an equal time roster, 5 on/5 off. When I am at work I do 12.5 hour days and live in a mining camp. When at home I get some good, quality time with the girls. 5 full days of quality time. Having a good work/life balance means I see more of my kids than the average bloke who works 6 days a week, leaves for work as they are getting out of bed and gets home as they are being tucked in.
  14. Sounds like a good situation. I'm just starting my career so will make next to nothing compared to my wife who's a doctor and bringing in the big bacon.
  15. I certainly have no interest in them, and my partner claims to feel the same way. I'm far too selfish to want to be a parent.

    Besides cost, hassle, smell, and giving up what little freedom I have left? :angel:
  16. Kids doesn't have to equal giving up the bike; well, I didn't start riding until my eldest was almost 3. In my experience it's about being sensible and talking about the risks and how to manage them. Life insurance is also a good idea :)

    We've moved once when Sophie was younger and it was fine. She's 6 now and in school and we would certainly find it hard to move areas now; but that said, I'm very very lazy and moving cities, finding new schools etc sounds like a lot of work.

    Kids can be delightful (my 2y/o is absolutely gorgeous at the moment). But they are little human beings. They have just as many wants, passions, interests and needs as you do, but without the communication skills and maturity that you have. It's definitely a sacrifice to have them - they need a lot of time, and they deserve a lot of time too.

    Oh and FWIW get on the same page as your partner about this and any other big issues (buying a house, the fact that her family really are lunatics, etc) before having kids if you can. Nothing inflames the little tensions between you and the missus like not having slept for a week while trying to survive on a single income for the first time in years. Sometimes it is fvcking hard.
  17. Is she contemplating specialist training? Or has she already done that?
  18. She's done that. Endocrinologist. Although she's insisting on a PhD now. I don't want. N dissuade her, but I'm just concerned how much this is all going to tie us down. It's an awesome country out there and I want her to see what I have first. She's 31 though so she's the expert at knowing that her clock is ticking.
  19. Sometimes in life I'm the steamboat captain, plotting my destination, plotting my course, saying what goes on board my boat! I'm the bearded dude in the big jacket.

    Sometimes I'm a dude standing beside a flowing stream, looking curious, perplexed, sometimes chuffed, watching it flow past. I'm the slightly balding dude who should see the doctor about that lump.

    Two images of life....

    Contemplation of these incredibly wise images helped me to make my parenthood decision :)
  20. I got married when I was 21 but we didn't want kids straight away, so waited around 5-6 years before we started trying. So we had a conscious decision when we wanted them. It took a while to fall pregnant with the first - here's an anecdote of poor communication for you: The wife and I turned up to an appointment with a fertility specialist as it had taken some time trying to fall pregnant. Part of the initial testing was a blood test. After the appointment, we were given a script for tablets and then went out for the day. We came home to a message on the answering machine saying not to take the prescribed drugs, there was an anomaly with the blood test. Queue lots of stress while we anxiously call back. The anomaly was that my wife was pregnant.

    With the second, we thought it may take a while but fell pregnant pretty quickly, so the first two are 17 months apart. I then took some convincing that we needed a third. When I agreed, it took ages to fall pregnant. So there's a 5 year gap between number 2 and number 3.

    We've been doing foster care over the past 3 years and in March had two girls placed permanently. So now I have 5 kids, all girls, between 15 and 2. I started riding 18 months ago ( after having grown up with bikes on a farm). So my experience is that kids and bikes can mix. My 14 yo is keen to be pillion, but convincing my wife is another story :)

    My advice (for what it's worth) is talk frankly with your wife about the things that matter to both of you in life and try to do that. It may mean a bit of compromise for both of you, but denying what is important to either of you will only lead to overt or repressed conflict. Life is too short for regrets.