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awsome questions

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by es, Aug 12, 2005.

  1. These questions about Australia were apparently posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from an aussie....

    Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
    so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and
    then just sit around watching them die.

    Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking

    Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow the railroad
    tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure. It's only three thousand miles. Take lots of

    Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
    A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

    Q: Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in
    Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did your last
    slave die of?

    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
    Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does
    not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
    Kings Cross. Come naked.

    Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
    A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
    we'll send the rest of the directions.

    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
    is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
    in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

    Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
    A: No. WE don't stink.

    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
    tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant
    numbers of Americans gather.

    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
    A: You are a British politician, right?

    Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
    smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
    A: Only at Christmas.

    Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
    A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

    Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
    (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan
    hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
    rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
    Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
    name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
    A: It's called a Drop
    Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the
    brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by
    spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

    Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
    dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help?(USA)
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

    Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
  2. Vicious trouser pythons though...
  3. The drop bears one always reminds me of the Bundy ad, that's a classic.
  4. Ha.. Thats funny stuff!
  5. With answers like those, you may be mistaken for thinking that they came from the "ask Vic" page
    Volcano Vaporizer Review
  6. I think this list first did the rounds before the Olympics in Sydney, and it was supposed to be genuine. I don't think it is, but it IS very funny! :D
  7. Thoughts: Hmmm considering we have 7/10 deadliest snakes in the World i think this advice about handling them is great to reduce the USA tourist population

    Thoughts: HOW GOOD is the bundy ad in which this concept is used. AWESOME

    That list of question is a crack up.
  8. I suspect the Bundy advert is newer than when this list first appeared, and that that answer inspired that dialgogue in the ad. I love the bit just as the camera fades of the guy "nodding" his can in the direction of the winking Bundy Bear, classic understatement!