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Anger management

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by Roarin, Oct 10, 2010.

  1. When you occasionally have a really bad day, And you
    just need to take it out on someone, Don't take it out on someone you
    know, Take it out on someone you don't know, but someone that you know
    deserves it.

    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call
    I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

    A man answered, saying 'Hello.'

    I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak
    with Robyn Carter?'

    Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the
    right ****ing number!' And the phone was slammed down on me.

    I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

    When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her,
    I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. So I
    called her.

    After hanging up with her, I decided to call the
    number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're
    an asshole!' And hung up.

    I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to
    it, And put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, When I was
    paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell,
    'You're an asshole!' It always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic
    'asshole' Calling would have to stop.

    So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John
    Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're
    with our Caller ID Program?'

    He yelled 'NO!' And slammed down the phone. I quickly
    called him back and said, 'That's because you're an asshole!' And hung

    One day I was at the store, Getting ready to pull into
    a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW Cut me off and pulled into the
    spot I had patiently waited for.

    I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that
    spot, But the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his
    back window, So I wrote down his number.

    A couple of days later, Right after calling the first
    asshole (I had His number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better
    call the BMW asshole, too..

    I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

    He said, 'Yes, it is.'

    I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

    He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax
    It's a yellow ranch style house and the car's parked right out in

    I asked, 'What's your name?'

    He said, 'My name is Don Hansen,'

    I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

    He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'
    I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
    He said, 'Yes?'
    I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!'
    Then I hung up, And added his number to my speed dial,

    Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
    Then I came up with an idea....

    I called asshole #1.

    He said, 'Hello.'
    I said, 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.)
    He asked, 'Are you still there?'
    I said, 'Yeah!'

    He screamed, 'Stop calling me,'

    I said, 'Make me,'
    He asked, 'Who are you?'
    I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
    He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'

    I said, 'Asshole, I live at 3 Oaktree Blvd , in
    Fairfax , a yellow ranch style home and I have a black BMW parked in front.'
    He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'
    I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' And
    hung up.
    Then I called Asshole #2.
    He said, 'Hello?'
    I said, 'Hello, asshole,'
    He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'
    I said, 'You'll what?'
    He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,'
    I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm
    coming over right now.' Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
    saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that I was on my
    way over there to kill my gay lover.

    Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going
    down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax

    I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax

    I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating
    the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news
    helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
    NOW I feel much better. This anger management stuff works great!
  2. Lol what an asshole...
  3. Arsehole not asshole.
  4. Haha ! Top joke Roarin, made me think of a few assholes/arseholes of my acquaintance that might benefit by the practical application of this story.

    and as the song goes.....

    You like potato and I like potahto, You like tomato and I like tomahto
    You say asshole and I say arsehole
    Potato, potahto, Tomato, tomahto, asshole,arsehole
    Let's call the whole thing off ! =D>
  5. I LOL'ed in real life :)
  6. you just made my arvo, thanks=D>
  7. *Correction* Arsehole. :angel: :busting:
  8. LOL

    Good one.
  9. T'was indeed funny that!
  10. Forwarded...
  11. Yep, to ME. haha
  12. Haha that is top's! Love it.