My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, â€˜Whatâ€™s on TV?â€™ I said, â€˜Dust.â€™ And that's when the fight startedâ€¦ ________________________________________ My wife and I are watching â€œWho Wants To Be A Millionaireâ€ while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, â€œDo you want to have sex?â€ â€œNo,â€ she answered. I then said, â€œIs that your final answer?â€ She didnâ€™t even look at me this time, simply saying, â€œYes.â€ So I said, â€œThen Iâ€™d like to phone a friend.â€ And that's when the fight started. ________________________________________ Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wifeâ€™s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, â€œThe weather out there is terrible.â€ My loving wife of 10 years replied, â€œCan you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?â€ And thatâ€™s when the fight startedâ€¦ ________________________________________ My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, â€˜I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.â€™ I bought her some bathroom scales. And that's when the fight startedâ€¦ My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, â€˜Do you know her?â€™ Yes,â€™ I sighed, â€˜Sheâ€™s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasnâ€™t been sober since.â€™ â€˜My God!â€™ says my wife, â€˜who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?â€™ And that's when the fight startedâ€¦ ________________________________________ I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. â€œIâ€™ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.â€ He said, â€œArenâ€™t you worried about the mad cow?â€ "Nah, she can order for herself.â€ And that's when the fight startedâ€¦ _______________________________________ A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not to happy with what she sees and says to her husband, â€˜I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.â€™ The husband replies, â€˜Your eyesightâ€™s damn near perfect.â€™ And that's when the fight startedâ€¦..