Adelaide: Italy. Fanatical supporter base but borderline certifiable. Brisbane: Columbia. Good at home, hopeless away. Also quite wealthy, but where does all that money come from? Carlton: USA. Haven't quite worked out the difference between sport and business. Supporting Carlton is a bit like supporting a multinational. C'mon Coca Cola, Go get'em, Microsoft. Collingwood: Iraq. They live in a tenth century dictatorship and talk about the glories from the Byzantine era. Don't tell them they're ****house as you'll probably be knifed. Essendon: Brazil. Arrogant, conceited and its always great to see them lose. Fremantle: Western Samoa. Any loss by nine goals or less is declared an unofficial victory. Geelong: The Central African qualifiers (Cameroon, Nigeria etc). Flashy, unpredictable. They quite often make the semis but never win. Hawthorn: The Netherlands. Always competitive but have absolutely no fashion sense. (Does this brown shirt go well with my orange jeans?) Kangaroos: The Palestinians. They have no homeland and probably never will. Melbourne: Uruguay. Always talking about the glorious past but for the last forty years they've been less than ordinary. Port Adelaide: South Africa. After years in exile and telling everyone how good they are, they finally enter the competition and prove to be extremely average. Richmond: England. Large supporter base of optimistic pessimists. They will always turn up and hope they're gonna win but know they wont. St Kilda: Spain. Another large and fanatical supporter base, with virtually nothing to cheer about. Likely to self implode at any moment. Sydney: Australia. The majority of their supporters have no idea about the game and only watch them when they're winning. West Coast: Germany. Methodical, ruthless and boring to watch. Western Bulldogs: Scotland. Happy to qualify but that's all they'll ever do.