Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!! A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy odered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink. He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!' Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didnt know we had a choice!' Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?' Paddy replies 'I dont know! Its your f***ing plane!!' Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on' Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'You know what I want dont you?' 'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!' Q. Whats a Catholic priest & a pint of Guiness got in common? A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one! Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap! Paddy's chat up lines: 1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away! 2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special! 3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just cant hold it in! 4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them! 5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Evertime I think of you my nuts tighten up! 6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away! Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbour's dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.. He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?' Paddy replies 'Ive put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!' An Irishman is shagging a Jewish girl & says 'You're not very tight for a Jew!' She says 'Well you're not very thick for a Paddy!' Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue. 'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didnt even know they had mobile phones!' Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say 'Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!' Paddy says 'Whats his name?' Mick replies 'Miles from London !' An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay. Paddy drives past & stops. He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts 'Its thick twits like you that give us Irish a bad name! I'd come over there & kick the f**k out of you if I could swim!'