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A letter to the Ranga...Dear Ms Gillard

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by bretto61, Jan 31, 2013.

  1. Dear Ms. Gillard,

    Please find below our suggestion for fixing Australia 's economy. Instead of giving billions of
    dollars to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use
    the following plan..

    You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

    There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million each severance
    for early retirement with the following stipulations:

    1) They MUST retire, ten million job openings – unemployment fixed.
    2) They MUST buy a new Australian car, ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed.
    3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.
    4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed.
    5) They MUST buy $100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week and there's your money back in duty/tax etc
    6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes us pay for the
    major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we
    shut them down.

    It can't get any easier than that!

    P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses
    and second home allowances.

    If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.

    Also, let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home, this way the pensioners would
    have access to showers, hobbies and walks, they'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical
    treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out, they would have constant
    video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance, bedding would be
    washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them, a guard would check on them
    every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell, they would have family visits in a suite built
    for that purpose, they would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education,
    simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request, private, secure rooms for all,
    with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens, each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls,
    there would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that
    would be strictly adhered to.

    The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised, lights off at 8pm, and showers once a
    Week, live in a tiny room and pay $600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

    Think about this, more points of contention:

    THE AUSTRALIAN CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ... Why don't we
    just give them ours? It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we're not
    using it anymore.


    The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
    You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' this is in a
    building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...... It creates a hostile work environment.
    • Like Like x 2
  2. This is a poor attempt to transpose something originally (supposedly) written as an open letter to the President of the USA. There are a number of reasons why this would not work, e.g. the car manufacturing industry in this country is not in the least bit self-sustaining and only survives due to the massive subsidies it receives.
    As for the "Australian Constitution", I assure you that it has not "worked for centuries", since it has only been extant for a little over 100 years.
    Oh, and 10 million working Australians over the age of 50? Really? Where does that figure come from?
    • Like Like x 3
  3. Worst.Idea.Ever. And here's why.

    1) They MUST retire, ten million job openings – unemployment fixed.

    REALITY: Firstly, Australia's entire labour force is only around 12m so I doubt 80% of the labour force is over 50. Secondly, the effect of mass retirement of everyone over 50 would be to create a huge shortage of labour, pushing wages through the roof, in turn causing massive inflation. Not to mention the knowledge, skills and leadership lost by instantly sacking most of the senior management of almost every business.

    2) They MUST buy a new Australian car, ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed.

    REALITY: Basic supply & demand. 10m people want an Australian car. We can't build 10m cars. Price of remaining cars goes up. A lot. Massive inflation.

    3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

    REALITY: 10m people want to buy a house. There are not 10m houses for sale. Prices go up a lot because there are 10m people each with a million bucks in the bank. Result - inflation, no one under 50 being able to afford a house in the short term, everyone over 50 going broke when the housing market eventually collapses in the medium term.

    5) They MUST buy $100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week and there's your money back in duty/tax etc

    REALITY: So the plan is to give everyone $1m and then they will each spend $100 of that on booze or ciggies, and the tax from these purchases will pay back the initial $1m? Yep. Should work.

    If it was this easy they would have done it already!
  4. wow...captain serious and his sidekick were quick to step upto the job of fun police

    it's in jokes n humour guys....quit nitpicking.
    • Like Like x 4
  5. Yeah I realised that after I posted it!

    Still....the halfwits who come up with this stuff actually believe it and stupidity annoys me.
    • Like Like x 2
  6. I read that as 'sidedick'
  7. Then it ought to be humourous, which it is not.
  8. It's just as funny as Juliar announcing an election because she knew that Craig Thompson was going to be arrested today.....
    • Like Like x 1
  9. I think it might have more to do with the impending economic collapse that she knows she won't survive.
  10. If it was meant to be seriously, it would have been put in "Politics"... Get it....thought not.
    Have a nice life :) don't forget your pills
  11. then my original statement stands mr fun police....thankyou for telling us what is "humourous".
  12. Maybe this should be moved from the Politics section to Jokes and Humor... Oh it is.. :whistle:
  13. something on the mind seal?
  14. wouldnt hurt to trial it , i will volunteer for a million.
    Putting the oldies in jail lol .

  15. Now that's humour!
    • Like Like x 2
  16. I thought it was pretty funny. We have about 5% unemployment at the moment, the envy of the western world. So lets force 10 million to retire. Awesome. I asking the boss for a huge pay rise just as soon as the oldies leave!
  17. ...& we have a property bubble already. Lets give the boomers some more money to pump it up some more.
    • Like Like x 1
  18. That would be brilliant ... just think of all that time to sit around reminiscing :)

  19. We aren't leaving so fark off.....
  20. Personally I would be spewing. I've worked my ass off for.... a long time and been pretty................ good so I can retire without so much financial stress.
    I Could have just partied and got shit faced the whole time!
    • Like Like x 1