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A few crackers....may offend some...

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by rb30gtr, Jul 31, 2009.

  1. I keep having my profile on that dating website 'Match.com' rejected.
    One of the questions is, 'What do you want in a woman?'.
    Apparently 'my d*ck' is not an acceptable answer.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got 30
    seconds to get out!'
    The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you cu*t !'
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    why are women like clouds? eventually they fu*k off and its a really
    nice day
    ------------------------------------------------------------------
    Whats the difference between light and hard?
    You can sleep with a light on.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I please have a KitKat
    Chunky?'
    The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to
    him.
    'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat biatch.'
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    My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood
    rings so she could monitor my mood.
    We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I
    am in a bad mood, it leaves a big fu*king big red mark on her forehead.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    I was at an ATM money machine when an old lady came up and asked me to
    check her balance.
    So I pushed her over.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
    Zebo, a half blind five year old south african orphan, has to ride 7
    miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels
    and no brakes. Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you
    the video, it's fu*king hilarious....
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    I had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating
    shuttlecocks.
    Bad minton.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an
    angel'. The reply from his friend...... 'You're so fu*king lucky...
    Mine's still alive...'
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
    A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
    The librarian says; 'Fu*k off, you won't bring it back.'
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    2 Men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over
    10 minutes.
    'Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!'
    'I get lots of practice' Replied the other guy. 'My Wifes an epileptic'


     
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  2. Bad, very very bad :wink:
     
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  3. Im a saint!
     
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  4. LOL I call BS on that one sunshine - I have seen you hooning around
     
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  5. hahaa, :p

    Define hooning?? haha actually don't...
     
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  6. So wrong, but so funny. :LOL:

    Nothing like a drastic break from PC-world, even just a minute or so. Thanks rb!
     
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  7. wrong but good
     
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  8. *holds in crying laughter*....
     
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