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A Biker Finds Heaven

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by rc36, Jun 24, 2005.

  1. A Honda rider dies and goes to Heaven. Outside the gates, St Peter meets him and asks "WHat have you done to deserve entry?" The Honda man points to the winged emblem on his leathers and St Peter respectfully ushers him in. He is amazed to find the Heaven is everything that he's been told, and more!

    Sitting just inside the pearly gates is a brand new RCV212 with a full pit crew, headed by old man Honda himself. He hops on and blasts away and is amazed to find that the roads of Heaven are replicas of all his favourite riding roads, The Great Ocean Road, the Oxley Highway and Mt Glorious.

    Not only that, but there is every great Grand Prix track to practice on as well, Suzuka, Spa, Imola, the list is endless.

    A little later a Ducati rider arrives. St Peter observes his spotless Daineses's and immediatley allows him entry. There, parked and warming up is a brand new 999RR! He spends the next few years blasting down the boulevards of Heaven, pausing only at every coffee shop to have a latte, amazed to find that, every time that he does, a whole collection of famous Ducati faces are also there, comparing bikes and unmarked knee sliders. He is also astonished to find thet, the riding position, which he always secretly hated but was afaid to say so, was now quite comfortable and he could ride for hours without having to get off and massage his wrists. Discussing the intricacies of the desmodromic valve gear with Bruno Spaggiari begins to take up nearly as much time as riding, but, it is eternity so he figures he has plenty of time.

    A Suzuki rider approaches and is delighted to find that everything in Heaven is painted blue and white and he is not perturbed at all when St Peter shows him his new, gleaming red Across. He is even more astonished to find Barry Sheene there to give him some riding tips, and that all of the other riders are gathered around to watch. Expecting what he had been used to on earth, he is astounded when everyone cheers as he rides away, thoroughlY approving of his new ride.

    Next to arrive is a Harley rider. He flashes his Screaming Eagle key ring and St Peter doesn't even bother to ask him, he just respectfully points inside. The Harley rider can't believe his eyes when he finds that God has provided him with a fully optioned Fat Boy. Not only that, but there is a beautiful young lady in a white tank top and denim shorts perched on the Queen seat, ready for the journey. He spends the next few millenia blasting down the streets of gold, the sound of his open exhaust echoing off the mansions that line every street and boulevard.

    And so it is that every biker who arrives finds that Heaven is truly motorcycling paradise.

    One day Hondaman is exploring one of his favourite riding roads when he notices a little side road that he hasn't seen before. He stops, turns around and rides up it. It doesn't go very far and ends in an imposing set of high, locked gates with a "No Entry" sign in large letters on it. From behind the gate he can hear the sound of motorcycles and he finds this very perplexing. He vows to ask St Peter about it the next time he sees him.

    When questioned, St Peter simply tells him that he will have to ask God about that one. So, Hondaman is ushered into God's presence. It is a truly amazing scene. Mike Hailwood is there, as is Jarno Sarinen and hundreds of his other famous motorcycling heroes. God is speaking to them all, answering their questions and doing it all at once, like they are the only person in the room. Flustered, eventually Hondaman asks his question. "Excuse me God," he says.

    "Oh, the back road with the locked gate?" God replies, reading his mind, "Well, you see we have to do that. That's where all the BMW riders are."

    "But why?" asked Hondaman.

    "Well, you see, "said God with a twinkle in his eye, "They think they're the only ones here."

  2. OH ITS TRUE ITS TRUE :(:(:(
  3. Now a joke should start with a believeable premise. Y'know like:
    An Englishman, an American and an Aussie were sitting in a bar, or
    Two guys were swimming in the river, or
    A parrot walks into a bar and says "Ouch, I didn't see that there".
  4. whoops diddnt mean to quote the whole thing:D
  5. Yeess!
    Same goes for volvo drivers!2
  6. hahahahaha pure gold :)
  7. Repent of all your sins, accept the Lord as your Saviour and you'll be rewarded with...an Across? Suzuki riders - get back to a-drinkin' and a-whorin'. All that awaits in Heaven is torment.
  8. That would be like...

    "This fur seal walks into a club..."
  9. "This fur seal walks into a club..."

    I'm giving that joke 3.5 naked seals out of five.
  10. Bloody brilliant :)
  11. Sausages for tea, mmmmmmmmmmm.

  12. Well yes, they are the only ones there :D :D :LOL:
  13. If BMW riders were the only ones in heaven, who would they overtake?

    Riders on older bmws?
    naked seals?
  14. Overtake? Vat is zis overtake??? :p

  15. I think you guys are much too unkind when it comes to Suzuki Across's. Lots of ppls ride them, you know?
  16. Lots of people ride Harleys too... 8)
  17. A lot of people also play lotto, watch Big Brother frequently, voted for Howard, and even more voted for Bush.

    The number of people doing something is no indication of its validity, or it's worth.
  18. Leave lotto out of that - since an uncle of mine won the Qld Lottery 3 times over a 20 year period I think it must be worth doing :) :)

    You've got more chance of winning lotto than getting anything sensible out of the other three...