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50 things we wish girls knew

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Milos, Nov 16, 2005.

  1. 1. We aren't mind readers!

    2. We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.

    3. When you sleep over never boss me around in bed unless it is during sex.

    4. Smoking is the biggest turn off.

    5. It never hurts to work out.

    6. If you don't want to hear the truth, don't ask the question.

    7. "Fine" or "whatever" is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.

    8. If you want sex, just ask. (In case you didn't already know.)

    9. Don't expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies.
    (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts).

    10. Only models are able to wear most of the stuff you see in fashion magazines.

    11. No guy will complain if he comes home and sees you in one of the following
    outfits: French Maid, School girl, bunny, or just plain naked.

    12. You don't need lingerie to look sexy before bed, short cotton shorts
    and a tank top are fine by us.

    13. Girls look good naked so stop worrying.

    14. Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity.

    15. We are all kinky and willing to try anything that you may enjoy, just
    let us know.

    16. Every so often no matter whether it is true or not remind us that we
    have the biggest penis you've ever dealt with. 17. If were not getting love
    we'll start looking...(haha...just kidding...psych...I'm dead serious)

    18. The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch herself.

    19. Most of the time when I fantasize it is about another person.

    20. If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won't consider it cheating.
    Actually we strongly promote this behavior.

    21. Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter
    inch missing.

    22. You shouldn't be flattered or grossed out if we get an erection when
    dancing with you. All we need is Friction.

    23. p0rn...hmmm...p0rn. Watching p0rn is like breathing it would just be
    wrong to ask us to stop.

    24. We masturbate, usually more when we are in a relationship, can't explain
    it but it is just fact.

    25. Blue balls are not sporting equipment. Didn't your parents teach you
    not to quit.

    26. Giving head is never a bad idea.

    27. We are conservationists at heart, water is our biggest love, so shower
    with us.

    28. There are three acceptable ways to wake up: (1) You on top of us. (2)
    Getting head. (3) Some sort of breakfast.

    29. We don't mind going to gay movies with you but don't tell our friends.

    30. You can't hold it against us if we cry after sports movies or "Old yeller."

    31. "The game is on" is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.

    32. Any harsh contact with the testicles should be assumed a serious injury
    but soft caresses are strongly encouraged. 33. You're probably not as funny
    as you think.

    34. Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if I hear one more girl say "he's
    so hot" he may have to die.

    35. Your period should be referred to as Blowjob week. (Influenced by a
    Maxim article)

    36. Cooking makes a girl that much more attractive especially if she can
    use a grill.

    37. You can't get mad if we refuse to hook up your "ugly friend" with one
    of our friends.

    38. For every fart that slips out when you are around we successfully hold
    in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.

    39. If we want to take naked pictures of you it is because we are proud and
    want to show you off to our friends.

    40. The red light means the video camera is off.

    41. A guy should be considered sensitive if he asks whether you want to do
    it with the lights on or off.

    42. Whip cream and chocolate syrup are not just condiments for ice cream
    also Altoids just don't make your breath fresher.

    43. Nothing you will ever do will entitle you to operate the remote control.
    (Unless operating means handing it to us.)

    44. The only thing left to be said after sex is "goodnight."

    45. Video games have helped us develop such finger skills that should only
    encourage us to play more often.

    46. Critiquing our driving is only second to critiquing our love making.

    47. Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer questions we could
    be castrated.

    48. If you ask us to go shopping you have to at least entertain the idea of
    having sex in a changing room.

    49. The jeans don't make your ass look fat. Your fat ass makes your ass
    look fat.

    50. 99.5% of the time we didn't mean to hurt you.
  2. :D I like it. So true.
  3. 28 sounds good to me
  4. nice

    i second that :D
  5. oh in response...

    > Female Pharmacists
    > A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
    > The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that
    > she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed
    > there.
    > The man said that it was something that he would still be much more
    > comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
    > The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional
    > and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident
    > that she would treat
    > him with the highest level of professionalism.
    > The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss,
    > but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and
    > severe
    > embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
    > The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
    > When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length, and the
    > absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car
    > and $3000 a month living expenses."