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4 Hornet600 only! [more lame jokes]

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by farawayman, Jan 19, 2006.

  1. A motorcycle can’t stand alone because it’s two-tired.

    Time flies like an arrow — Fruit flies like a banana.

    A backward poet writes inverse.

    In a democracy, it’s your vote that counts; In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.

    If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

    With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

    Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

    When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

    The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

    A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart.

    You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

    He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

    A lot of money is tainted. ‘Taint yours and ‘taint mine.

    A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

    He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

    The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

    When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

    Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

    Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

    Acupuncture is a jab well done.

    Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

    An optometrist fell into a lens-grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
  2. Then there's the two brothers who fell into a sewer and drowned. They're interred side by side.
  3. Or, as the Kingston Trio used to say; "Show me a cowboy who rides side-saddle, and I will show you a gay ranchero!"

    A great collection of zingers, Dave! :LOL:
  4. ...Or the D-Generation's take on it:

    "Swimmers on Sydney's Bondi Beach, despite having been warned of sewerage leaks into the bay, are continuing to swim undeterred."
  5. Then there's the little biscuit who sad because his mother had been a wafer so long...
  6. Police believe it was a case of suicide :LOL:
  7. Dear god......well i was warned.... :)
  8. there's something wrong with you people :LOL:
  9. Someone should have warned me...
  10. A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After carefully planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

    When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then
    make such an obvious error, he replied:

    "Monsieur, I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van

    (And you thought I lacked De Gaulle to send you a story like

    :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  11. Dave, I'm going to pinch that one, just classic! :LOL:
    (who said the pun was the lowest from of wit?)
  12. Your welcome, O Bussie one
  13. And the one about every time someone calls at the wormies, the young wormy says dad's not home, he's gone fishing and he doesn't know when he'll be back.
    :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
  14. I heard about two identical spanish twins, if you've seen Huan then you've seen Amal :)
  15. I'm a diesel fitter by trade. I did my apprenticeship in a womens underwear factory.

    The bloke next to me put the elastic in and gave them to me.

    I shoved em on my head and shouted "diesel fitter!"
  16. I repeat, geroan
  17. what about the Mexican firefighter who had twin boys and named them hoseA and hoseB.
  18. Puns are bad

    Poetry is verse.
  19. Another one for Hornet.

    A young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam. After checking all of her vitals and running the usual tests the doctor said, "Well, Running Doe, you are in fine health. I could find no problems. I did notice one anomaly, however.

    "Oh, what is that, Doctor?"

    "Well, you have no nipples."

    "None of the people in my tribe have nipples," she replied.

    "That is amazing" said the doctor. "I'd like to write this up for The South Carolina Journal of Medicine if you don't mind." She said, "OK."

    "First of all" asked the doctor, "how many people are in your tribe?"

    She answered, "Approximately 500."

    "And what is the name of your tribe" asked the doctor.

    Running Doe replied........

    "We're called The Indian Nippleless Five Hundred