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20 Christmas Cracker Jokes That Are So Bad They're Good

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' at netrider.net.au started by Lazy Libran, Dec 18, 2015.

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  1. 1. What does a frog do if his car breaks down?

    He gets it toad away.

    2. What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?

    A nervous wreck.

    3. What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas lunch?

    Twerky

    4. Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?


    Because he had a low "elf" esteem.

    5. Who is Santa's favourite singer?

    Elf-is Presley.

    6. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

    A Christmas Quacker.

    7. What lies in a pram and wobbles?

    A jelly baby

    8. What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?

    The elf-abet.

    9. What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?

    A Krisp Kringle.

    10. What do you call a three-legged donkey?



    A wonky donkey.

    11. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

    A pineapple.

    12. What athlete is warmest in winter?

    A long jumper.

    13. What do you get if you cross a hen with a bedside clock?

    An alarm cluck.

    14. "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud."

    "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."

    15. What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

    Dam.

    16. What do you call a man who plays with leaves?

    Russell.

    17. Did you hear about the man who bought a paper shop?

    It blew away.

    18. What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?

    Lost.

    19. What did the Policeman say to the stomach?

    You're under a vest.

    20. What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

    Nothing, it just gave off a little wine.
     
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    • Funny Funny x 2
  2. :happy:Hated 'em then...hate 'em now! :meh:
     
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    • Agree Agree x 1
  3. Love them all, they are the best Dad jokes.
     
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    • Agree Agree x 1
  4. My favourite Dad Chrissy joke that I tell every year:
    'Tis the night before Christmas and Santa is busy preparing the sleigh when there is a knock at the door. Santa opens the door to find a man standing there holding up his CASA ID and says "G'Day Santa I'm here to check out your sleigh for air worthiness" " No worries " says Santa " Go for it". After looking over the sleigh the CASA man calls Santa over and says"All good there mate, now it's time for a test flight". Santa climbs up into the sleigh and starts to strap himself in when he glances over to see CASA man loading a shotgun into the cockpit, rather alarmed Santa asks "What's with the shotty?" CASA man calmly replies "Put it this way, your gunna lose an engine soon after take off".
     
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    • Dislike Dislike x 1