So this morning, after a crappy week at work, I have woken up feeling nothing less than what could only be described as "Bleurg!" Even coffee isn't helping ... what!?!
I am usually so excited about Saturdays, my chance to ride Jet, go to practice and come home exhausted. So boring to most I am sure who have been riding for ages, or aren't afraid to face the traffic like this little wussy la la. But this morning, I can't even be bothered ... what is going on!?!
I'm feeling useless that I have never been into anything mechanical! I seem to have been getting conflicting advice on how to clean my chain, maintain my bike, what will happen if I don't do it properly, so on and so forth. I jumped on to the internet and tried to find where I could buy a paddock stand early this morning and it means a trip into the city so I guess that is tomorrow's goal now. Then I tried to put air in my tyres and the petrol station area was on a lean - do you think I could roll the bike into position - no! How pathetic am I feeling now!?! Had been told my tyres are sh** in the wet so have been too scared to take Jet out on my own during the week in the rain - ugh!! And so the Doubt Demons came a calling. During the week I had asked a mechanic friend if he would give me a lesson but nope ... pppfffttt!! Suddenly the whole deal was not feeling so much like fun, had I made a mistake? Doubt Demons love playing with your head and self confidence!
I also realised I have been following a lot of motorcycle sites (because I was excited and eager to learn) - it seems people love to post gruesome photos of accidents or do the old "tell all" of their horrific encounters. Now I am an intelligent person who knows all too well the risks I am taking riding, and I love constructive articles about what to watch out for, how to avoid such encounters and how to improve your skills - I soak them up like a sponge - but I don't enjoy seeing skin hanging off a foot, body parts separated, a tiny remaining piece of what was once a beautiful bike ... maybe it's taken its toll, I don't know. I think maybe it's time to get off some sites and focus on the instructional sites ... and to just set a plan for riding early again and blocking out the world whilst being aware of everything around me in those moments
So I am turning my attention to what inspires me before I shake my sad and sorry ass into gear ... get downstairs and tell myself I can do this (with a little help from a Netrider friend - thank you Petesul) ... shake off the doubt and remember how awesomely exhausted I feel after Saturday practice ....
"Conditions are very iffy but they are going anyway!" ROAR!!